POF Diagnosis

My entire life I’ve dreamed of having my own baby. I mean, let’s face it… who doesn’t?! You could sit here and try to convince me that you’ve never wanted children of your own… but maybe you’ve forgotten those days when you were 6 years old playing tea party in the living room while momma was in the kitchen cooking dinner for you and your imaginary friends! Or  maybe you’ve forgotten that you couldn’t resist taking your eyes off of your younger cousin after being born. Innocence brings a certain type of blissful joy to the world. To have your own child is knowing that the power and energy of everything that you’ve ever been through in life has a complete purpose.
“When we are children we seldom think of the future. This innocence leaves us free to enjoy ourselves as few adults can. The day we fret about the future is the day we leave our childhood behind.”

Patrick Rothfuss (The Name of the Wind)

Eight years ago, at the prime age of 16 (after a trillion and one doctor visits) I was hit with the diagnosis of Premature Ovarian Failure (POF) aka Primary Ovarian Insufficiency (POI). I remember exiting the doctor’s office, with my mother and my brother who was around 10 years old at the time. My mom parked RIGHT around the corner, yet it had to be the longestttttttttt walk of my life going back to the car.
Sat down in the passenger seat with a hugeee gulp in my throat… tried so hard to get it out but it just won’t bulge. Why does that even happen by the way?! Like, WHAT is that feeling and whyyyyy does it happen? One of the worst feelings ever. My eyes were filled with absent tears. Lost in my broken dreams, I could hear my mom trying to ask if I was okay… I knew for a fact she wasn’t, but she tried her best to be.
I think it’s safe to say now that I was SO much stronger at 16 years old. Weird right? You’d think that time heals… but sometimes, depending on the situation, it could get worse – before getting better? Maybe… maybe not.
I’ve been through many specialists and exams after that. Ultrasounds, sonograms, bone density, blood tests, FSH levels, birth control, estrogen, calcium, all that jazz. I am not a medical student, so WebMD is my go-to! I google everything possible, especially when it comes to my health, which could either be good or bad.
Fast forward to 7 years later… Here I am! Just me and my non-productive ovaries. Writing a blog. Hoping for the absolute best. And I just have to deal with it because what’s meant to be will be. Right?! Right…
Shaheeda

7 thoughts on “POF Diagnosis

      1. This was a wonderful post. It makes you think about life and all the many possibilities. Despite every bad experience, you are so optimistic. You’re such a positive energy and I can’t wait to read amazing content coming soon. It brings happiness to my own life. Thank you for that!

        Liked by 1 person

  1. Heed, I’m inspired by your positivity and this work of art you have created. It’s a reminder that given your circumstances you haven’t let it hold you back from being happy. Keep it up, good vibes always!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Heeda my love “que sera sera whatever will be will be, the future isn’t ours to see “.
    Congrats on your blog and I wish you all the best!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I am absolutely in love with the look and feel of your blog sugar!!! I know the emotion that goes into every word on these blogs and I could not be more proud of you!! This a huge step for you and I am very excited to be taking it with you. Keep up the captivating articles and breath taking pictures and you’ll be sure to get nothing but good vibes from everyone 🙂 Congratulations! I love you!!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I love you to infinity ….😰😢😥😭😭😭😭 you know that…… my beautiful daughter ……. My angel ….you and your brother are the reason I breathe …. Congratulations on yet another endeavor and I know it doesn’t stop …..just keep it coming you are not only my inspiration but to your brother and everyone that surrounds you …. I am forever grateful and proud to be your mother ……. SherryAnn

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