POF Diagnosis

My entire life I’ve dreamed of having my own baby. I mean, let’s face it… who doesn’t?! You could sit here and try to convince me that you’ve never wanted children of your own… but maybe you’ve forgotten those days when you were 6 years old playing tea party in the living room while momma was in the kitchen cooking dinner for you and your imaginary friends! Or  maybe you’ve forgotten that you couldn’t resist taking your eyes off of your younger cousin after being born. Innocence brings a certain type of blissful joy to the world. To have your own child is knowing that the power and energy of everything that you’ve ever been through in life has a complete purpose.
“When we are children we seldom think of the future. This innocence leaves us free to enjoy ourselves as few adults can. The day we fret about the future is the day we leave our childhood behind.”

Patrick Rothfuss (The Name of the Wind)

Eight years ago, at the prime age of 16 (after a trillion and one doctor visits) I was hit with the diagnosis of Premature Ovarian Failure (POF) aka Primary Ovarian Insufficiency (POI). I remember exiting the doctor’s office, with my mother and my brother who was around 10 years old at the time. My mom parked RIGHT around the corner, yet it had to be the longestttttttttt walk of my life going back to the car.
Sat down in the passenger seat with a hugeee gulp in my throat… tried so hard to get it out but it just won’t bulge. Why does that even happen by the way?! Like, WHAT is that feeling and whyyyyy does it happen? One of the worst feelings ever. My eyes were filled with absent tears. Lost in my broken dreams, I could hear my mom trying to ask if I was okay… I knew for a fact she wasn’t, but she tried her best to be.
I think it’s safe to say now that I was SO much stronger at 16 years old. Weird right? You’d think that time heals… but sometimes, depending on the situation, it could get worse – before getting better? Maybe… maybe not.
I’ve been through many specialists and exams after that. Ultrasounds, sonograms, bone density, blood tests, FSH levels, birth control, estrogen, calcium, all that jazz. I am not a medical student, so WebMD is my go-to! I google everything possible, especially when it comes to my health, which could either be good or bad.
Fast forward to 7 years later… Here I am! Just me and my non-productive ovaries. Writing a blog. Hoping for the absolute best. And I just have to deal with it because what’s meant to be will be. Right?! Right…

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Hey there! My name is Shaheeda Amelia Anif. I am a brave dreamer of 23 years. I love love love to travel and capture the beauty of the world through photography, and what’s a greater way to share it with you all through this blog and social media! I majored Communications/Public Relations at Adelphi University in the beautiful Garden City, Long Island. (Holllaaa) Social Media guru. Collector of everything white & gold. Obsessed with seashells and starfish. Candle hoarder. Orchids are thebombdotcom. My boyfriend is my best friend. Red wine all night, every night. Lipton tea, with milk and sugar please, all day, every day :) I could eat salmon sashimi for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Dexter was one of my alltime favorite shows! I am currently addicted to How to Get Away with Murder omg it’s so good cannot wait for next week’s episode! Blacklist is a great show as well. Binge watched the first season on Netflix! I watch Friends and Threes Company any and every time it’s on. I am not a cook at all, that’s more of my boyfriend’s expertise, but I could make the kitchen and the table top look fabulous! I did not attend school in hopes of starting my own blog one day, and my degree has nothing to do with traveling or photography, but that doesn’t stop my burning passion for it. Growing up, I was blessed with the privilege of exploring new, cultural places by traveling all over the world with my wonderful family. I believe everyone should visit as many places as they can throughout their life. No matter where it is, it could be across the country or down the block, just do it! Staying in one place is deprivation of the “beauty filled” world we live in. I am always available to talk, and always interested in making new friends so please feel free to contact me. Leave your comments and questions, we don’t bite =P And please follow me on social media! I love meeting new people, making new friends, and last but not least, I love learning about the world and the beautiful people I come across on the daily! XOXO Heeda

7 thoughts on “POF Diagnosis

      1. This was a wonderful post. It makes you think about life and all the many possibilities. Despite every bad experience, you are so optimistic. You’re such a positive energy and I can’t wait to read amazing content coming soon. It brings happiness to my own life. Thank you for that!

        Liked by 1 person

  1. Heed, I’m inspired by your positivity and this work of art you have created. It’s a reminder that given your circumstances you haven’t let it hold you back from being happy. Keep it up, good vibes always!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Heeda my love “que sera sera whatever will be will be, the future isn’t ours to see “.
    Congrats on your blog and I wish you all the best!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I am absolutely in love with the look and feel of your blog sugar!!! I know the emotion that goes into every word on these blogs and I could not be more proud of you!! This a huge step for you and I am very excited to be taking it with you. Keep up the captivating articles and breath taking pictures and you’ll be sure to get nothing but good vibes from everyone 🙂 Congratulations! I love you!!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I love you to infinity ….😰😢😥😭😭😭😭 you know that…… my beautiful daughter ……. My angel ….you and your brother are the reason I breathe …. Congratulations on yet another endeavor and I know it doesn’t stop …..just keep it coming you are not only my inspiration but to your brother and everyone that surrounds you …. I am forever grateful and proud to be your mother ……. SherryAnn


Good Vibes Only

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